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I speak often about my in-laws and more specifically, of my older nieces (nieces because of our age and ease of explanation). They are a HUGE part of my life and to speak of them and not express the profound gratitude that I feel that God chose us for one another would be short-sighted. It’s not a contest, but if it were – I’d win because they simply can not be bested.
A year ago today, all of our lives changed forever. Theirs, absolutely more than my own, but still, we are family and we grieve together. There is no sense to be made of the fact that they – young and with the world at their feet – would have to say goodbye to their father, one of the absolute kindest human beings I’ll know in my lifetime – but that was God’s design and it guts me.
To see someone you love in the way that I love my nieces hurt and feel an absolute sense of uselessness is devastating. I pray often that somehow, some way, as the days go by that their sadness becomes less acute.
The very last thing their father said to me was “take care of them” and I will spend every single moment of my life with that in my heart and mind. I want to love them the way that I feel loved by them and I can give them even half of what they give me, I think I’d be doing okay.
Lilz & Munz – I love you. To the moon and back a million times. You bring me a joy unparalleled – THC FOREVER <3
I find that often, my most thoughtful writing is born from extreme emotion; sadness, anger, happiness. When I am ripe with any of them, words tumble around in my brain incessantly. I fill up tiny scraps of paper that fall to the bottom of my purse – often with just a sentence or two.
Writing has always been an outlet for me but I find that lately, more days than not I have to remind myself how cathartic it actually is to let the words escape from my brain and allow myself to sort everything out in black and white.
I’m never quite sure exactly what I want from this space (or any of the multitudinous domains I’ve owned) but I know that writing online makes me feel sated in ways that I would be hard-pressed to try to explain. I could write in a journal – but there is something about speaking to everyone and no one.