Even when you see the beauty in Mother Nature, sometimes you just have to give into the greyness of the day and just be. It's okay to allow yourself to feel; sadness, happiness, that strange in-between – they are all real and valuable emotions, even the sucky ones. And here is a Grace In Small Things which I haven't done in forever

1. Steffy (love barely covers it)

2. Leslie (I love our emails, and your face and your spirit)

3. My siblings

4. Music

5. Rainy days

Black women and hair. It's so fascinating that Chris Rock made a movie about it. Black women wear their hair in a myriad of ways; dreadlocks, braids, weaves, wigs, relaxed, natural. Really, more ways than I care to sit here and list. I've worn my own hair in it's natural state (twice) – and I love it the way it was then and I love the way it is now (actually, it's in that stupid in-between length stage that's giving me rage – but, you get my point?).

But here's the thing that makes me irate. Wearing my hair natural doesn't mean anything except I'm wearing my hair as it grows out of my head. It doesn't make me more conscious, more down to earth or more…Black. Me choosing to relax my hair is not a rejection of my culture or a sign that I don't know what a relaxer actually does. I do and I do it because I can, because it's what I choose to do. For me.

The notion that any one choice is better or worse makes me so angry because it's just another way for women, and in this case Black women to divide themselves – it's weak and it's sad. Women need to learn to support other women in the choices that they make. What's good for you, might not be good for the next person and you know what? That's okay. You have an afro? Good for you. She wears a wig? Good for her. It doesn't mean anything. It's just hair.

The title has nothing to do with the songs, but I hope you love them all the same. The first two songs are from a mix that my awesome friend Melanie made. She runs The Ruckus and shares her music with me. It was SO hard for me to just pick 2 songs to share with you, but here are two of my favs. If you have further interest, you can download the mix over here (tracklisting/cover art)

Childish Gambino: Freaks And Geeks

Machester Orchestra: Simple Math

Dear Euphoria: That You Would – This is one of THE most beautiful songs I have EVER heard. EVER. Hat tip to @damadalpha (twitter) for finding it for me.

There seems to be a bit of conflicting information about exactly how long it takes to create new habits. I had this notion that I would make a handful of min-goals for myself. Small, achievable things that would give me a feeling of victory and push me towards newer, bigger, more meaningful goals.

My first? Make my bed up every day. How many days I successfully completed this task? 3. I loved the way it looked when I came home – so inviting and neat. But actually doing it? Failure I'm going to try for a reset, start over tomorrow – I'd like to get to day 7 and then add another mini-goal in. Exercise.

I'll be keeping you posted. In the meantime, send me bed-making vibes.

Today I went to see a specialist about my keratoconus, a degenerative cornea disease I have. They're doing some fancy things with the technology and attempting to stop it's progressing the point of having to replace the corneas. I'm still torn on whether or not I'm going to have the procedure, which partially seems stupid because if you can prevent a cornea transplant, why wouldn't you?

Well, the procedure was originally quoted to me as being $8k, but was "reduced" to $6500k. Insurance doesn't cover it, and it's probably a long way off from covering it – but the doctor, a leader in this field – seems pretty confident that with the procedure, we could pretty much guarantee the disease won't progress further and maybe I would regain a bit of my vision. Not enough to stop wearing glasses or contacts, but a small difference.

I'm torn because the disease doesn't operate on any rules. It's not a guarantee that it's going to get worse, and $6500 is nothing to sneeze at. I'm not trying to skimp on my health when I spend so much money on other things – but it's a big deal. If you need me, I'll be in the corner eating carrots.