I woke up this morning fully prepared to do absolutely nothing as most of us are since pandemic and all but I quickly righted my ship and took a long walk while the weather was beautiful. It was so nice to be outdoors and feel the sun on my skin. Obviously, there’s nothing really preventing me from setting on my porch or going out into my backyard except my own neuroses and so moving my body and being outside felt so, so good. I idled back, took a shower and made lunch. I contemplated napping but ended up sitting on my stoop and reading for a bit. My neighbor has a wildly aggressive colony of wasps under her porch and once they started to get loud enough that I could hear them, I came inside. I made dinner and sat with M and I’ve been in bed watching the final two episodes of Elementary off and on for a bit while Shiro sleeps contentedly next to me. All in all, not a bad day.
My communication bandwidth has been running low. I love my people so deeply but I am also in this weird space where part of me just wants to be quiet until I don’t. That is a weird sentence to type, especially from me because all talk, all the time but these are weird times, I guess.
I can’t imagine that 2020 is the year anyone thought it was going to be. I am an optimist but even I, she of the glass half-full spirit – is weary. It’s difficult to try to stay in a good frame of mind when every bit of media is doom and gloom and when leaving your house can feel like a choice between temporary freedom and illness. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and I am, but I am also vacillate between anxious and angry. The anxiousness feels like something I can continue to work on but the anger probably won’t ever go away. Every day I worry about this country being led by a sociopath and get sick at the idea that people are so broken that he might get to be in control of it for 4 more years. Point blank – I just don’t get it.
I haven’t fully fleshed out exactly what I’d like to do here besides the obvious but I feel good about it for the time being. I am hoping that writing will give me a bit of a space to channel all of my feeeeeelings and to share things that give me, and you, a little bit of a reprieve from this mad world. God knows we all need it.
It’s kind of weird to be logging into this wordpress account and writing things again. I am hopeful that the desire to write through the current times holds because it feels like the world is on fire.
I’m trying to keep perspective about the absolute abundance that is my life while quieting my brain that tries to tell me every time I cough (from allergies!) that I have Covid-19.
I am thankful for technology which has kept me in close contact with people I care about. This is not the kind of thing anyone can really imagine and yet here we are. Isolating ourselves in our homes until the smoke clears.
So, I guess roughly once a month is a thing that I do now? I want to commit to weekly updates but I guess that writing has just been put on the back burner which means that these updates are just more and more infrequent.
The weather is finally changing and I’m so thankful for these extra hours of sunlight. The wedding season has begun for me which means the rest of my weekends for the year will overwhelmingly be spent listening to Uptown Funk and The Cha Cha Slide. It’s so good to be me :)
I don’t want to be a person who talks in circles but I’m going to. I did a thing. A thing I thought I would have done long ago but didn’t. I liked the thing a lot. A lot. I hope to do the thing more. /circle talk
I honestly feel like I JUST wrote that last blurb and yet, it’s been almost a month. I’d ideally like to get back in the habit of writing here daily or kinda/sorta daily but I may be pushing it.
I was thinking recently about prayer. Specifically, when I pray with specificity, God shows up. Always. And it’s not like rubbing a magic lamp with a genie inside – but often I am surprised at how my prayers manifest. Which, seems ridiculous because I believe in God and that power in my life.
SHARP SUBJECT CHANGE
I went to the gyno yesterday and my new doctor is great. FANTASTIC, really. Last week I burned myself with coffee (thanks, Starbucks!) and she definitely asked me several times if domestic violence was an issue in my home and honestly? I appreciated that. Imagine that you needed or wanted someone to see you and you get that visibility at your annual visit.
Tomorrow I’m seeing Robyn with EK and I could not be more excited. It’s going to be so good, I am so thankful for her friendship.