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2015

Let’s talk about resolutions and how either you’re the kind of person who makes them or the kind of person who rolls their eyes at the people who do. Actually, I don’t know – now that I think about it, I’m probably somewhere in the middle but that’s because my own resolutions are more of the life goal sort. Yes, that’s the party line and I’m towing it.

I’m hoping 2015 is the year that I do lots of things – learn to swim, become a millionaire photographer, etc – but I’m trying to keep my resolutions, nay, my goals a little more attainable. I definitely want to continue to grow my business. Photography has become my precious baby, and I just want to nurture it and help it grow into something I can be proud of. I want to be more physical in a consistent way. I’m not looking to lose weight or run marathons – I just want to make sure that my heart doesn’t atrophy from neglect. I want to continue to pray/meditate daily because I’ve found that it is invaluable to my peace of mind. In fact, I prayed my way into the new year, a tradition I stole from my friend Leslie. I’m not trying to curry favor with God but that moment really felt nice.

Maybe I’ll write more in 2015? Maybe I’ll actually start using my giant collection of cookbooks. I don’t know. There are some things that didn’t quite make the list but I’d like to do all the same and so they’re in the back of mind.

I hope that whatever you doing when the clock struck midnight that it made you smile. There’s that special something when we allow ourselves to believe that we can start over and I think new years have that affect on many of us. Good luck with your resolutions/goals ;)

Ebb & Flow

I feel like I always have to balance complaining with gratitude. Maybe it goes without saying but every day I get to move through this world, I am thankful. I am thankful for all of the goodness in my life, of which there is an abundance. I am thankful for the small things too – a steady paycheck, having a car – the things we tend to gloss over.

HOWEVER, 2014 has been intense and I know I’m not alone in my lack of sadness in seeing its days dwindle. I want to say I learned a lot this year but really I think I just was better at implementing things that I already knew. I was better at articulating myself with people that I care about and also recognizing when a situation was futile and no longer deserving of my love and energy. This is never an easy endeavor but as it relates to my own emotional well-being? Worth it.

With regard to my personal relationships – this year has been a bit odd. Some friendships flourished, some faltered in a spectacular way, some quietly fizzled out. I often had to remind myself of something I say often – not all friends are forever friends. This is not to say that I like, or don’t care when friendships fall apart but more of a it takes two stance. I want my relationships to exist in a space where honesty and equity are valued. And I want to be able to say, without fear of consequence – when things have gone off kilter. I learned this year, that approach does not work for everyone and I have to be okay with that. And while a loss is a loss, I found that my remaining circle of friends filled in the gaps.

I was lucky enough to go to Ethiopia again this year for my second visit, I made photography a focus in my life, I spent lots of time in the company of people I love and I prayed a lot. A lot. I’m hoping 2015 is just a little more gentle on all of us. If I don’t make it back here – I hope your holiday season is safe and joyful!

xo

Focus

Do you ever pay attention to how many things you’re doing at once? I often find myself sitting on my couch – texting, watching tv and with my laptop in my lap tweeting or using pinterest. I’m coming off of a short, social media sabbatical in which I decided I really need to just press pause and let myself exist sometimes without doing. Sometimes, it’s like my brain is a browser with a bunch of different tabs open and I just kind of shuffle through them at will and once the day has wound down, it’s hard to just click the x and shut it all down.

Since we came back from Ethiopia in early August my job has been, for lack of a better word, bananas. My days off are few and far between and all of a sudden, I realized that I was burning both ends of the proverbial candle. I also carry a sense of guilt about not being able to spend my time with the people that I love and knowing that they’ve noted my absence. Thankfully, my friends are the special kind who get that this will pass and eventually they’ll get to have me back.

During my social media quiet time, I tried to just disconnect a little more – less looking at my iphone, less tv, less “noise” (digital and otherwise) – I prayed a lot, tried to meditate a bit (I’m still quite horrible at this) and I think I might have worn The Ethiopian down enough that he’s going to agree that we should get a kitten…maybe.

All of this is to say, I’m very tired and I recognize that I need to take care of myself. And if you’re my friend and you’re reading this – I love you and I’ll see you soon.