I woke up this morning fully prepared to do absolutely nothing as most of us are since pandemic and all but I quickly righted my ship and took a long walk while the weather was beautiful. It was so nice to be outdoors and feel the sun on my skin. Obviously, there’s nothing really preventing me from setting on my porch or going out into my backyard except my own neuroses and so moving my body and being outside felt so, so good. I idled back, took a shower and made lunch. I contemplated napping but ended up sitting on my stoop and reading for a bit. My neighbor has a wildly aggressive colony of wasps under her porch and once they started to get loud enough that I could hear them, I came inside. I made dinner and sat with M and I’ve been in bed watching the final two episodes of Elementary off and on for a bit while Shiro sleeps contentedly next to me. All in all, not a bad day.
My communication bandwidth has been running low. I love my people so deeply but I am also in this weird space where part of me just wants to be quiet until I don’t. That is a weird sentence to type, especially from me because all talk, all the time but these are weird times, I guess.
– The birds that play in my backyard, especially the cardinals
– A safe home
I can’t imagine that 2020 is the year anyone thought it was going to be. I am an optimist but even I, she of the glass half-full spirit – is weary. It’s difficult to try to stay in a good frame of mind when every bit of media is doom and gloom and when leaving your house can feel like a choice between temporary freedom and illness. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and I am, but I am also vacillate between anxious and angry. The anxiousness feels like something I can continue to work on but the anger probably won’t ever go away. Every day I worry about this country being led by a sociopath and get sick at the idea that people are so broken that he might get to be in control of it for 4 more years. Point blank – I just don’t get it.
I haven’t fully fleshed out exactly what I’d like to do here besides the obvious but I feel good about it for the time being. I am hoping that writing will give me a bit of a space to channel all of my feeeeeelings and to share things that give me, and you, a little bit of a reprieve from this mad world. God knows we all need it.
It’s kind of weird to be logging into this wordpress account and writing things again. I am hopeful that the desire to write through the current times holds because it feels like the world is on fire.
I’m trying to keep perspective about the absolute abundance that is my life while quieting my brain that tries to tell me every time I cough (from allergies!) that I have Covid-19.
I am thankful for technology which has kept me in close contact with people I care about. This is not the kind of thing anyone can really imagine and yet here we are. Isolating ourselves in our homes until the smoke clears.