May Daze

It’s wild to think about how the days simultaneously seem to drag on and on and fly by at the same damn time.

*I’m keeping the title of this post even though when it goes up it will be almost July. I’ve been starting things here and letting them languish in draft which is pointless and defeats the whole point of resurrected the blog but here we are.

The world is marching on but it still very much feels like we’re living in a weird simulation. I feel strongly that we’re going to end up back in an intense lockdown situation so I’ve been preparing myself as much as I can for that.

We’re starting a bathroom reno that I am prayerful goes smoothly and I’ll be in a hotel this weekend because I’m a brat who refuses to pee in a bucket. Actually, I don’t think that makes me bratty – I think that makes me a person who knows what her upper limits are and that is absolutely one of them.

My current plan is to wear lingerie, drink wine, and spend a few days in my pajamas reading and being idle. I’ll have to leave for food occasionally which is good but otherwise the whole thing will be a change of scenery and my bathroom will be less of a nightmare when I return – which, amen because I really, really hate it in its current state.

I’ve spent a lot of the parts of the social distancing/isolation times in my head even more than usual. Really thinking about relationships – what they look like, how they do/don’t serve me and that kind of thing. I feel like it becomes harder to let people go with age which is silly – you’d think I’d be more discerning about it. The more interesting part when I think about it, is that when I make a final decision that a relationship is over? I commit and I mean it but I’ve been trying to pick apart the reasons why that breaking point is so long for me.

Kind of crazy to think how much of our lives we spend in actual disservice to who we are and how hard it is to undo the things we know are no good.