Ebb & Flow
I feel like I always have to balance complaining with gratitude. Maybe it goes without saying but every day I get to move through this world, I am thankful. I am thankful for all of the goodness in my life, of which there is an abundance. I am thankful for the small things too – a steady paycheck, having a car – the things we tend to gloss over.
HOWEVER, 2014 has been intense and I know I’m not alone in my lack of sadness in seeing its days dwindle. I want to say I learned a lot this year but really I think I just was better at implementing things that I already knew. I was better at articulating myself with people that I care about and also recognizing when a situation was futile and no longer deserving of my love and energy. This is never an easy endeavor but as it relates to my own emotional well-being? Worth it.
With regard to my personal relationships – this year has been a bit odd. Some friendships flourished, some faltered in a spectacular way, some quietly fizzled out. I often had to remind myself of something I say often – not all friends are forever friends. This is not to say that I like, or don’t care when friendships fall apart but more of a it takes two stance. I want my relationships to exist in a space where honesty and equity are valued. And I want to be able to say, without fear of consequence – when things have gone off kilter. I learned this year, that approach does not work for everyone and I have to be okay with that. And while a loss is a loss, I found that my remaining circle of friends filled in the gaps.
I was lucky enough to go to Ethiopia again this year for my second visit, I made photography a focus in my life, I spent lots of time in the company of people I love and I prayed a lot. A lot. I’m hoping 2015 is just a little more gentle on all of us. If I don’t make it back here – I hope your holiday season is safe and joyful!