A Change Will Do You Good

I was going through a bunch of photos from my trip to Ethiopia last year. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year and I can’t believe that I’m really just going through them to print. As I click photo after photo I think about how much that trip changed me and yet still, how much I changed as a person in 2012. I know I’ll go back to Ethiopia again, but that trip? So special. The food, the smiles of strangers, the children, the family – all of it was so perfect. The poverty there was…profound. But you deal and you get back on a fancy plane and you fly back to America with all of her creature comforts. That’s not intended as a social statement, I’m so thankful to be American, I like creature comforts – I like Target and it’s okay (I think?) as long as you remember where you stand in relation to everyone else.

Then when K died, my heart’s record skipped a beat & though I’d experienced death before, nothing could prepare me for that. But you pack it up in your emotional suitcase and you carry it with you everywhere you go, opening it in a quiet moment and then shutting it away when it becomes too much to bear.

I can definitely focus in on those two events being the things that really helped me focus on self. I know that when I tell people that I just want to be the best possible version of myself it comes off as processed cheese, but that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I met a guy last week at a party & one way or another we stumbled on the topic of happy & before I’d touted my mantra – he pretty much echoed the same thing and I thought – yes, I’m not crazy. I find that often when you say you’re happy or you want to be happier, most people aren’t exactly sure what to do with it because they process it as a judgment of their own state of being. It’s not that for me. I know that my happiness comes from within, that I am in control of it in spite of what life throws my way. And I think that’s the real beauty in this life, that we get to choose happiness. Even in a really dark hour, there’s light on the other side. Oh, beautiful light.