Wishes

I’m going through and backdating some older entries that are favorite things I’ve written/posted through the years.

I wish that before I'd had weight-loss surgery that I hadn't relegated myself to being the kind of fat person you only see from the neck up. I wish that my pictures weren't a bunch of myspace-ish angles and vagueness. I wish I'd been bolder about posting photos of myself LIVING my life as a fat(ter) person.

I say all of this because as a less fat version of myself – I recognize the cloak of invisibility I created for myself and it makes me sad. From time to time I read blogs of women who've had weight-loss surgery and I read some pretty awful things. The kind of things that let me know that no matter how much weight you lose, until you reconcile all your issues – that self-loathing never goes away. Never.