Perspective

Weight-loss surgery is a funny thing. To try to explain to people the impact of that loss is so difficult. It can also be very isolating because no matter how much weight I lose (or don't lose for that matter) I'm still at the very core of me the same fat girl.

Recently I was out having dinner with some folks and someone made an offhand comment about Alec Baldwin being fat. First – he's not fat. Second – I am. It blew my mind that not only did they feel comfortable enough to call him fat, but that they'd done it in front of me. Hello, fat person in the room! The more I thought about it, the more it kind of blew my mind. Make no mistakes – I am definitely still fat. But now I've entered into the fat, but not that fat zone, wherein people feel entirely comfortable talking about those people.

I didn't even address that they'd called him fat, but did say that I thought he was handsome (I do!) and continued to reel silently. I talked about it with a friend who said that sometimes when people reach a certain level of comfort, they actually forget what you look like because they don't see you as that thing. I agree with that because I've heard people say things they don't think I'd be offended by as a black woman and inside my heart is doing back-flips.

Something I see a lot is people who have surgery and then forget what it's like to be on the other side of that equation. I never want to be that person. Shedding pounds sometimes unearths this profound level of self-loathing that makes it hard to believe that the person was actually what they hate/fear so much. I think the internet almost exacerbates this because it is the playground for the vain and egomaniacal. I see a lot of hatred thrown towards fat people and a lot of it from people who are fat, but not that fat as well as the formerly fat and it makes me this odd combination of sad and angry.

At the end of the day – everybody's got their something and we're all just plodding along trying to find happiness. I'm not perfect by any bit of the definition, but I hope that everyday I'm a little bit better version of myself than the day that's past. I'm not here sharing my life through words and pictures to be validated, sharing makes me happy. If you like it, that's just a nice fringe benefit. If you find what you see to be offensive or deplorable – well, there are 873 million other blogs to ogle.

I guess this long ramble is my way of saying – give people the benefit of the doubt. The ones you know, the ones you don't. The skinny and the fat. The famous and the not-so famous. Try to be nicer, the world could use a lot more of that.