On Change

May 8, 2007

Today I cut my mouth while licking an envelope to close it. Good to know that even though I am almost thirty – I still have not mastered the zen art of envelope licking.

I digress. Today is the one year anniversary of my surgery. To date I've lost 161 lbs. plus or minus 3 depending on how well-behaved I've been. I've come a long way and I've still got a long way to go but I stand by having surgery and it has been the single greatest thing I've done for my adult self without any hesitation.

I thought for sure after surgery that this blog might turn into all surgery all the time, but the more I lived with it – the less important it seemed to bore anyone with the minutia of my day to day life. I haven't been hiding in so much that I was just trying to adjust to the parts of my life that were changing, sometimes so fast it was hard for me to keep up. Having surgery wasn't (and still isn't) about the size of my pants (although I admittedly am thrilled to be in much smaller pants), but about trying to control for me, an addiction that had gotten out of hand. I love food, but I need to love it in much smaller quantities than before.

To say this surgery changed my life is a wild understatement. A lot of things in the last 366 days have changed – some for the better and some, not so much. There are definitely times that I'd like to sit down and eat a cheeseburger, or more than two pieces of sushi but that is no longer my reality. My new reality is getting a hold on my health, reversing some of the horrible things that were going on in my body and feeling really good about myself. I still have bad days though. Days where I eat things I know I shouldn't be eating. Days that I eat too fast or too much and barf – but this is my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

When I read things where people call surgery mutilation or question why someone would go to such extremes, I want to tell them so much. I want to tell them that this surgery is not a magic cure-all and I think most people understand that. I want them to know that I battled so much with myself before I decided to lay my naked body on a table in front of strangers and have them cut away three-quarters of my stomach. It's a big deal and if someone is at a crossroads and considering it – they probably already understand this.

I love to see people's faces who haven't seen me in a long time. It's almost like they're seeing me for the very first time which can be such a surreal experience. Do people treat me differently? Absolutely. Do I act differently? I think in some ways, yes. And I think it would be hard not to after having lost the equivalent of a grown adult or a set of Olsen twins. My family and friends who told me I was beautiful and loved me 161 (give or take 3) lbs. ago still love me. They still support me, they still yell at me about taking my vitamins. They are invaluable as sounding boards and I love them all for giving me everything I needed in this last year and so much more. Thank you.

I want to say thank you to those of you who I've connected with online as well. I am continually amazed at your generosity, your kindness and your all-around awesomeness. I appreciate you and I mean that in the most sincere way possible.

So with so much change in my life – I thought it was fitting to change my domain. Lifeisdelicious says a lot about where I am right now and since I'm fickle – this is where I am. No problems, just time for a change.

It's good to be me.