I think today is the perfect day for a list of things that I’m grateful for. I hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, it’s in peace.
– The Ethiopian being able to pop home in the middle of the day just to give me a kiss before heading back to work
– Dinner & a movie with friends this evening
– Good news from two friends that I worry about a lot (you know who you are and yes, I worry! I’m a worrier!)
– A new (to me) car. Thanks to The Ethiopian
– Finished reading Animal Farm in bed last night with The Ethiopian (I guess he’s a theme?). We read aloud to each other and then discussed the book like two nerds.
– My brother-in-law, Serway. We called Ethiopia to speak to him yesterday and he’s always such a gift.
– Shiro. Didn’t realize there was a tiny hole in my heart that this little furball filled.
– The changing weather – I’m going to miss it being light out until 8pm but cooler days? Bring it on.
– The West Wing. I never watched when it was on air and so I’m watching on Netflix now. SO. GOOD.
One of the positive side-effects of my company folding and starting to work for myself is that I’ve lost weight. Part of it is that while working – I’d eat out of sheer boredom and now that I’m largely at home, food = effort and I rarely want to make any.
I still need to implement some kind of exercise regimen because I spend long stretches at my desk and when I’m working I need to have all of the stamina and endurance in the whole world because as simple as some people like to make it seem – taking photos is hard ass work.
I have however, been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with sugar. I love sugar. She’s my bae. I’m going with her because something as sweet and addicted HAS to be female, right? I can’t see myself foregoing it 100% because I am definitely one of those people for whom deprivation never works. I can’t have something? I want it a million times over. But I’m going to do some reading about sugar addiction and detox and go from there because the last thing I want to do is compromise my health for a Coca-Cola.
If you have any advice about this please tell me about it via email (hello @ this domain or my first name @outlook) or on twitter (@alovedlife). I want to go into this as informed as possible because I know that eliminating sugar can have a host of terrible side-effects and I want to be armed so that I’m prepared for what might come my way.
If I had to pick a recurring theme through my years in blogging I’d say it would be relationships. Primarily, it’s me lauding my friends and telling you how crazy amazing they are (because they are!) but sometimes it’s me working out my feeeeelings in the only way I know how to – with words. The internet is magical when it’s not being terrible and it has bought some spectacular people into my life, some who have been around more than a decade. I am, however, finding that often – my relationships online that burn the brightest are also the ones that become supernovas, fizzling out in spectacular fashion. I always raise my hand to include myself in this extinguishing. What could I have done differently? Was I wrong? Sometimes I have those answers and sometimes I’m left just not quite understanding why. This is why people go to therapy. Me? I write.
I write about these thing as a way to soothe myself. To purge myself of negative feelings and to move forward. There’s never a winner. Never. Even though admittedly, I like to win. There’s no solace in being the person who doesn’t acknowledge a loss or that feelings have been hurt. That’s not how I’ve taught myself to operate. But, over time I’ve learned that when a relationship veers off onto unpaved road sometimes you have to just walk away in order to save yourelf. I’ve spoken numerous times about how I’m always the person looking to give someone the benefit of the doubt, often to my own detriment and as I get closer to my fortieth decade on this planet, that’s not something I want to continue to do, I deserve better than that – we all do.
Friendships are important to me, they center me and keep me accountable and without my friends? I’m lame. So, losing one stings. Will I get over myself? Yes. Will I have other friends? Definitely. But for now, I’m still here, writing and feeling my feelings.