Winning

If I had to pick a recurring theme through my years in blogging I’d say it would be relationships. Primarily, it’s me lauding my friends and telling you how crazy amazing they are (because they are!) but sometimes it’s me working out my feeeeelings in the only way I know how to – with words. The internet is magical when it’s not being terrible and it has bought some spectacular people into my life, some who have been around more than a decade. I am, however, finding that often – my relationships online that burn the brightest are also the ones that become supernovas, fizzling out in spectacular fashion. I always raise my hand to include myself in this extinguishing. What could I have done differently? Was I wrong? Sometimes I have those answers and sometimes I’m left just not quite understanding why. This is why people go to therapy. Me? I write.

I write about these thing as a way to soothe myself. To purge myself of negative feelings and to move forward. There’s never a winner. Never. Even though admittedly, I like to win. There’s no solace in being the person who doesn’t acknowledge a loss or that feelings have been hurt. That’s not how I’ve taught myself to operate. But, over time I’ve learned that when a relationship veers off onto unpaved road sometimes you have to just walk away in order to save yourelf. I’ve spoken numerous times about how I’m always the person looking to give someone the benefit of the doubt, often to my own detriment and as I get closer to my fortieth decade on this planet, that’s not something I want to continue to do, I deserve better than that – we all do.

Friendships are important to me, they center me and keep me accountable and without my friends? I’m lame. So, losing one stings. Will I get over myself? Yes. Will I have other friends? Definitely. But for now, I’m still here, writing and feeling my feelings.

Things I Don’t Want To ForgetĀ 

I woke up with The Ethiopian cuddling me in the middle of the night. We lay tangled up for a few minutes when he quietly said “Please don’t leave me.” I asked what he was talking about and he told me he’d had a bad dream. I reassured him that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I’d be here forever and we quietly fell back asleep. 

Earworm

At some point last year I (and the rest of the internet) fell into the rabbit-hole that was Serial which essentially served as the cement to my podcast love affair. Over time, I’ve stopped listening to some and became deeply obsessed with others and so I thought I’d share some of my absolute favorites. Also, please tell me your favs over on twitter (@alovedlife) or email me (hello @ alovedlife.com)

Another Round – Done by two AMAZING black women, Another Round is so smart, so funny and it’s like talking to your girlfriends in the most comfortable way ever.
Better Than The Movie – If you like books, you will LOVE this podcast.
Death, Sex & Money – This is one of my newer obsessions but it’s SO good. They recently did a New Orleans/post Katrina series that was amazing!
Last Name Basis – Interracial husband and wife podcast that focuses on what’s going on in our world with so much quirk and laughter.
Reply All – This is probably my very favorite podcast. It reminds me some of This American Life (another fav) but it’s so incredibly smart.
Spilled Milk Podcast – Molly & Matthew were doing podcasts before podcasts were a thing and they have incredible chemistry that makes you wish you could be in the room with them.